More than a few Christian bloggers have written
rhetorical bullshit posts over the past couple of years “coming out” in support of LGBTQ people like me. They’ve given themselves the ALLY label and gone about the business of converting other Christians to welcome The Gays with “arms open wide.”
Under the seemingly sweet-smelling, rosy welcome lies the shit-covered truth: you still believe our sexuality makes us broken. You compare our God-pleasing, love-filled relationships to your gluttony, materialism, gossip, or whatever “sin” fits the current sermon series.
A few of you might say, “But wait! *I* don’t believe your sexuality makes you sinful!” To that I’d say, “Thanks be to God. Now tell me, how many LGBTQ have you let tell their stories on your blog?” Crickets…
Being a REAL ally isn’t very complicated, actually. Here’s my short contribution to the “How to Be an Ally” lists that’ve been written by other queers like me:
- Know the difference between ‘open’ and ‘affirming’.
You might be waving your Jesus flag and shouting, “God loves you. He really, really loves you!” But if you make statements like “It’s not my place to judge.” Followed by, “We are all sinners,” you aren’t affirming. Your church doors might be open for us, but you don’t see us as equals. If you don’t think our marriages are as pleasing to God as yours are, then you aren’t an ally.
- Don’t speak for the LGBTQ community.
So many “ally” posts discuss how the *ally* feels about the treatment of LGBTQ. If you’re crying onto your keyboard as you’re telling our stories, guess how much it hurt to actually live them? Unless you’re a member of the LGBTQ community or one of its loved ones who’ve been damaged by the Church, you don’t have the authority to speak for us. If you have a platform and want to use it to be an ally, take your spotlight and shine it on one of us.
- Stop saying that your support is sacrificial.
If you’re following Jesus by loving us Gays, then you don’t have to justify it to your churchy friends. It isn’t a sacrifice to support LGBTQ people. It’s What Jesus Would Do.
- Quit thinking that LGBTQ people need you to tell us we’re valued or loved.
Yes, it’s terrible that so many of us in the LGBTQ community have questioned if God really loves us. Still, just like the Church shouldn’t have thought it could take God from us, our allies shouldn’t think they can give God back. We don’t need you to tell us we’re loved by God. We need you to tell us that YOU love us. Then, tell us how badly the Church f’ed up (or you, if the shoe fits). Tell us that the Church wasn’t representing God—thank God.
Both “sides” say we need to find a common ground. Come together at the table. The faux allies have pulled out a chair and welcomed us into their community.
No thank you. I don’t need your welcome. I don’t need you to open your arms and “love me where I am.” This bullied kid has no desire to sit at the cool kids’ table.
I already have a place set at a table. God’s. He’s the one who does the inviting.